A range of thoughts, re-examining my life.

This is depressing. I never thought I'd be so tired and uninspired, studying something that I like. But it's not the schoolwork; that is manageable. The lifestyle and pressures are what is depressing. Everyone is so busy, including myself, that it is impossible to have a good time anymore. Friends are superficial... or at least too busy to be friends. Looking into the near future, I see nothing exciting to look forward to. Why? Why do I not have plans to travel, to do something new, see something different? I'm on the verge of labeling myself a "failure" in social relations.

But let's isolate the problems of the present first, if that is even possible. Work is dull. Half my courses are uninteresting, not what I signed up for. Well at least half of it is; but I'm a pessimist ain't I? But it is manageable. I can finish my work in a few hours every week, leaving some free time to relax, do what I enjoy. If only... if only there weren't internship applications to worry about. Every waking moment of the past few months, any second that is unproductive is a crime, because it could have been used to further your job prospects. Read books, newspapers, company websites; update your CV, answer competency questions, look up more opportunities. This is fucking depressing. It should not be. I am tempted to stop giving a damned about it all, and just cruise in a simple job that I know I am overqualified for. That is the problem, isn't it? We must always be the best we can: why? Or why not? Will I regret it if I didn't put in my all? Sadly, I probably would, and that is why everyone is working their ass off, sleeping 3 hours a night, spending every second thinking about jobs. Do I really want it that much?

Time is precious. We all know that time is irrecoverable; once a day has passed, no amount of money will buy it back. Our lives are short. So what do I want with it? On the one hand, I want to be doing something extraordinary. But on the other, I do not see the problem with just enjoying myself. If I am truly enjoying myself, does it matter what I have accomplished in life? Or will I again, REGRET that I had not done this, or that, or that, when I was younger? And in worrying about regrets, am I being too cruel to my current, present self, in always thinking about the best for my future self?

I never have answers to these questions. I don't think answers exist. I have to decide.